May this be of some use to those of you that wish to swim in crocodile-infested waters. Before simply diving into a river filled with man-eating crocodiles I find it useful to assess the risk of actually getting eaten. Lets face it getting eaten by a croc is not going to be a nice way to go. Crocs have a habit of playing with their food which can make for a slow and painful death. Firstly scan the water for any evidence of movement, or eyes breaking the surface. Secondly, scan the riverbank for any evidence of these huge reptiles. Upon determining that there are no visible crocs in your immediate vicinity (this of course does not mean a whole load when the river only has 2cm visibility), throw a friend in first. Watch your friend swim around for a minute or so and ask them to do lots of splashing. After a couple of minutes of splashing, scan the water and riverbank once again to ensure undesirable attention has not been attracted. Then throw yourself into the river. Relish the coolness of the water on your skin whilst also focusing on any unusual movements of water below the surface. After a minute, start swimming for the ladder of the boat. Ensure you are not the last person to board the ladder as its always the last one out who gets eaten. Climb the ladder and breathe a sigh of relief that you still own all your limbs. Five minutes later the boat moves downstream and you happen across a 4.5 m saltwater crocodile eyeballing you from the river bank. Best not to make any future swims.
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